Pair Killed For Internet Scam

In the news today is a story out of New York City, where two African immigrants living in a property owned by New Orleans Saints linebacker Jonathan Vilma were shot and killed early Monday morning.

Per reports, the two victims were involved in a number of illegal internet scams, but not the Nigerian prince looking to hide his family fortune that readers may be familiar with. As it turns out, these two were involved in a heist known as Black Money.

The story goes that people from overseas claim they have large trunks of United States currency that they are smuggling out of the country. In exchange for pennies on the dollar, these smugglers are willing to part with the greenbacks. They claim that the bills have been darkened (hence Black Money) to prevent detection through the means of x-ray and other image sensitive devices.

Unfortunately for those scammed, once they receive the funds they are due, they find a trunk full of worthless black paper instead of the bills they were hoping for. Apparently in this instance, the scammers were identified and tracked back to their domicile, whereupon justice was taken into his own hands by the murderer.

Bald Men Five Times Less Likely To Get a Date

More news out of London -- according to reports, a recent study shows that men with hair are five times more likely to get a date than their bald counterparts. The project consisted of creating two online profiles at a dating website that were precisely identical with one exception; one of the profiles sported a full head of hair, the other was completely bald.

Over the course of the several week study, researchers report that the profile of the man with hair received approximately five times as many responses as the profile of the man who was follicularly challenged.

Upon examining the study a bit more closely, however, it was learned that the project was funded by a hair restoration clinic and that this side-by-side comparison was the only information released. Given the minuscule sample size and inherent bias of the researchers, it makes sense that their findings would support hair as a significant factor in attracting the opposite sex. Unfortunately, even without this biased study, it seems patently obvious to this gal that ladies prefer hair. Sorry fellas!

25 year old man dies on Wii Fit

Scary news out of England today, where the Sun is reporting a fit and trim twenty-five year old man died after jogging on his Wii Fit. For those who don't know, the Wii is video game console made by Nintendo which also features an exercise option called the Fit. It involves a 'balance board' which can stood upon and used in a variety of exercises for strength, endurance, flexibility and stretching.

Per eyewitness accounts, the man was jogging on the Wii Fit before he went down. It is unclear what precipitated the sudden passing, as the gentleman was believed to be in excellent health and had no known prior medical issues. Additionally he was known to be an avid hiker and rock climber.

Authorities are referring to something called Sudden Adult Death Syndrome, which sounds like Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), and while we've never heard of SADS, it seems equally as mysterious as it's more well known namesake.

Man Dies on Wii

Cleveland Landlord to Offer Free Rent to Laid Off Workers

From Cleveland comes news of an interesting business gamble. There, a multiple unit rental company is offering a deal which is making headlines, if not money. The company is offering leases to individuals with the caveat that if they get laid off, they won't have to pay. The offer is for up to two months free rent, and applies to individuals in Ohio, Florida, Texas, and North Carolina.

In order to qualify, a tenant must sign a one year lease and have made at least three monthly payments. The Goldberg company states that proof of termination must be provided, and that if the tenant desires to terminate the least after the two free months elapse, he or she will be free to do so. Per Goldberg, loss of employment is their tenants' number one fear.

Here's hoping that Goldberg's plan pays off for all involved, and with an economic turnaround, no one needs to take advantage of this generous offer!

New Jersey Plans Banning of Brazilian Wax

From New Jersey comes news that state legislators are considering banning that most painful of experiences, the Brazilian wax. When ladies aren't content with just managing the bikini line, they often choose to go full bore and opt for the Brazilian. Besides the obviously painful experience, apparently law makers in New Jersey are convinced that real bodily harm may result, and they aren't going to stand for it! The representatives recently heard from several individuals (all female, we hope!) stating that in the process of receiving their waxes, they were subjected to some form of injury; most likely infection or rashes from skin irritation.

Interestingly enough, it appears that Brazilian waxing was never legal in New Jersey to begin with! Although it is not specifically outlawed, per the article, "Technically, genital waxing has never been allowed in New Jersey — only the face, neck, abdomen, legs and arms are permitted." New Jersey Italians will be happy to learn that after reconsidering and hearing testimony from cosmetologists who swear they can perform the procedure safely, Brazilian waxes will not be banned anytime soon.

New Jersey Mulls Brazilian Ban

Sham Ow!

Famous pitchman Vince Shlomi (with a last name like that, he probably prefers being called Sham Wow Guy, or Mr. Wow) is in the news for a different kind of Slap Chop today. It turns out Vince was in Miami over the weekend and was involved in an altercation with a $1000/night woman of ill repute.

Most disturbingly, the woman apparently bit Sham's tongue, and refused to release it. Obviously as a pitchman, a tongue laceration could severely impact his ability to practice his craft. Understandably, or perhaps not, Mr. Shlomi then decided his fist should severely impact said woman's face.

No word if the altercation began because Mr. Shlomi offered only three easy installments of $333.33.

Read more at The Smoking Gun

New Space Station to be named after Colbert

Big, big news from NASA today! This should be a lesson to never, ever allow write in submissions from the internet. Basically, the story goes that NASA suggested a few names for their new Space Station and allowed the public to vote on whichever one they liked best. Unfortunately, one of the rocket scientists (in this case, they really are rocket scientists!) decided to allow a write in vote. Well, once Colbert Nation got wind of this, it was really all over. Some overseer at NASA did have the foresight to reserve the final naming rights to their own decision making, but also hedged by saying whichever choice got the most votes would end up being heavily favored. I assume he was talking about the NASA suggested options. It's unlikely that we'll see a Colbert Space Station -- Richard Branson is FAR more likely -- but we can still dream!

Colbert Space Station

Five Thousand Calorie Burger

Well, technically, it's only listed at 4,800 calories, but if you consider how much ketchup and mustard that baby is going to take I think you could easily get it over the 5k mark. From Michigan, a state known for both its unemployment -and- obesity, comes the monstrosity:

The 4-pound, $20 burger features five beef patties, five slices of cheese, nearly a cup of chili and liberal doses of salsa and corn chips, all on an 8-inch sesame-seed bun. That's a lot of dough!

I like a good burger as much as the next gal, but that's just disgusting. The park does mention that you can divide it up with a pizza cutter (seriously? does it come with one, or are you supposed to smuggle it past ballpark security) and share it with the fans seated next to you. Uh, no thanks. I think I'll just stick to the old hot dog and peanuts.

5,000 calorie burger

Teenager Paints Giant Penis on Roof of Parents' Mansion

Oh, those wacky Brits! Never one to shun boorish behavior, a young hooligan has had quite a laugh on his family, as for the better part of a year their estate has been showing off the family jewels rather graphically! The home is valued at around one million pounds, or rather was, before the sixty foot phallus was added -- no word as to whether that has helped or hurt property values. Perhaps little Junior was trying to compensate for something?

Sixty Foot Phallus

Florida Student Suspended For Farting

Wow, this is quite a story. Apparently, an eighth grader in Florida has been suspended for passing gas on the bus (and not at the fill up station). While it may sound like a severe punishment that required quite a bit of intestinal fortitude to pass down, anyone who's ever been trapped in a stinky school bus likely agrees with the sentence. Those of us not fortunate enough to attend private schools or have our parents drive us to school are all too familiar with the trials and tribulations of the big yellow bus.

Questions remain, however. Was the passing intentional? How was the perpetrator identified? If by sound, then are we to presume the criminal was doing this intentionally? And, perhaps, most perplexing, what if this was of the frequently encountered SBD (silent but deadly) variety? Is it too much to smell a conspiracy here? They may have fingered the wrong guy! Regardless, he should probably consider himself fortunate; after all, a similar incident last year resulted in the arrest of another Floridian.

Florida Student Suspended For Farting

Burglars Steal Everything, Even Light Bulbs!

There's a recent news story from Des Moines, Iowa where a gentleman is reporting a home break-in. The robbers took a number of items including a washing machine (these must be some big guys to carry that off!) and assorted valuables. Most intriguing however, is the fact that these thieves took off with light bulbs!

How bad must the economy be for people to be stealing light bulbs? I guess once your 401k dries up and you have to resort to a life of crime, every little bit helps. Still, it seems a bit extreme to go this far. Hopefully the stolen bulbs were the environmentally friendly kind that cost quite a bit more (and last quite a bit longer)!

Read more about it at Stolen Light Bulbs